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Showing posts with label Aproko Unlimited. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aproko Unlimited. Show all posts

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Aproko Unlimited





She was standing in the way we were told not to stand when we were teenagers
Her legs bent backwards, her chest pushed out
Her twin towers were in two very separate directions. Yeah a function of a mal-functioned bra
She definitely wasn’t wearing the real thing, the original type we ladies call BRA.
Well, that’s if she even knows what that is…
She stood by, as her friend argued agitatedly with the bus driver who had nearly knocked her down
They both had this very locally made tattoo across their neck and on their arm
And I couldn’t keep myself from imagining where else on their body those tattoos would be *rolls eyes*
Are these person pikins? I pondered
Mehn these chics are a definition of feminine razzness
The driver was wrong and he had angered the chic
But unluckily for him she is an #were
She screamed, rained curses at him and hit him on his chest as she cursed
She even threatened to slap him on his face, and that she would hit him with something (Juju of course) if he angered her the more
The bus driver initially had thought he was relating with a woman and was as usual refusing to apologize, but after the short display, he realized this is no ordinary female
I watched her display her talent- craze (of course)
I concluded, this must be the product of an absent father. I was so sure about it

Well I eventually I decided to intervene cos I wouldn’t let a man be out rightly embarrassed right in front of me
It had become an embarrassing situation for the man and if we let this go on, it would be disastrous

That chic was daring, I must say!



Friday, 8 March 2013

Aproko Unlimited


Baba Bose 


Baba Bose had just collected his pension
He was feeling very high and cool
He would often be seen at Madam T’s beer parlor, drinking himself stupor even as he argued with the boys about politics, football and women.  
And then his visits became every evening
And then he began to stay very late that he would be one of the last set of customers
And then he stayed later and closed with Madam T
Later, we realized he would be there every morning too
Soon, he began to help madam T set up in the mornings
He started running errands as much as washing plates
He would even attend to customers in the evenings while Madam T ordered him around
Rumors began to spread, that Baba Bose had been jazzed
I didn’t believe until…
I saw Baba Bose coming back from a nearby market
He had gone on an errand for Madam T to buy ewedu
What bothered me most wasn’t just about him running the errand but the attitude with which he ran the errand
Baba Bose proudly held the ewedu in his hand, brandishing it like it was the Olympic torch as he hastily rushed back to the shop to deliver this great assignment   
Only then was I convinced - he had lost his manhood to a Benin woman.
Benin woman?! I thought, ‘flesh and blood cannot deliver him from this one’
Baba Bose turned from a customer to a slave
All his pension money gone (or all transferred…)

Eventually, Madam T disappeared; leaving Baba Bose broke and tattered
He was so broke that I heard he was harassing little children for N10 and N5
I didn’t believe, until…
One day, He stopped me on the way, asking me to give him N20 but I wasn’t with change but I gave him something - a promise
I gave him a promise that I would give him the N20, later

Well, we never saw Madam T again
But we heard a few rumors.
One was that ‘she had lost it (mad. Were. onyeaara) and another that ‘she was dead’
After a few years of no evidence of ma’am T’s existence, her beer parlor things were auctioned.



Ewedu: a kind of vegetable majorly eaten by the Yoruba people of Nigeria
Benin: is the capital of Edo state, Nigeria

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Aproko Unlimited


She was ‘too blessed’ in front … and she was wearing the right bra. *Packaging no ni*
It was too right/tight!
Her assets were pointing in two directions- very forward and straight upward
How that is, I cannot say
It’s a wonder! *Wonder bra tinz* Lolz
“Ha ha!” I exclaimed and I couldn’t help staring in wonderment
Kai! I thought “this is one of the moments when I’m grateful to God I’m not a man”
This is way too destructive.  I mean ‘distracting’
Like she’s out to terrorize the men at this party.